~Friendship~

To meet to know, and then part...
Is the saddest tale of the human heart...
Eventhough we are far apart...
I'll always remember our friendship in my heart...
Where ever you may be...
I'll always remmber thee...

Friendship is the only cement...
That can hold the world together...

It's sad to see that as time passess by, all of ur close friends, gangs, team members, study group, 'lepak' group, 'gila-gila' group etc starts to go their own ways... Some are nowhere to be found... some just can't be contacted... some have started their own families... some are way too busy to even talk or sms... some are going places... some are already all over the world... it's just sad that all these people don't even bother to keep in touch anymore...

Last saturday, i've had the opportunity to spend some time with our dearest Gamelan trainer. He too was telling me how frustrated he is with the rest of his students (or shall I say ex-students) who don't even have the courtesy to even say hi or ask how he was doing. Well, dah nama pun students kan, sepatutnya hargailah ilmu yg dah dapat from chekgu tu by showing that u still care kan. But no... these people couldn't even care less...

Then again, that's not what I want to write about. Yes I am sad that everyone had chosen their own paths. But what to do. They do not see the importance of having to 'care' for your relationships with your friends. They have yet to realize the importance of keeping in touch with you friends even after u've graduated, worked or even have a family.

True, time spent with friends will be lesser, but that doesn't mean that u should just throw ur friends aside... Friends come and go. And lately... all I see that many of mine are all going... well some do try to keep in touch... I appreciate that. But some ...i guess they just don't care about what their friends must have been feeling.

I don't cope well with goodbyes... and the past 1 year, all I've been seeing is people saying goodbye. And now, one more is also saying goodbye... this dear friend of mine (although this friend has caused so many heartaches and is just unbearable at times...this friend is still a dear friend)...

Dear friend... u've been a lot of help... u've been one of the person i'd turn to for advice... for guidance... not having you around will definitely be a lost for me... I'm soooooooo not good with words. How am I supposed to say that u've made an impact in my life by being my friend. That i will miss you dearly. How do I say all that without people around us thinking of 'something' else. How am I supposed to say all that and emphasize that it's all brotherly sisterly love....

I don't know whether i'll be able to tell you all these before you go. Dear friend, u've been an asset in my life. I appreciate u being my friend.

Thank you for everything...

I Don't Handle Goodbyes Well....

For a while now I haven't had the opportunity to write in my blog...

One thing that I've found out from this is that, whenever I am happy with my surroundings (be it work friends, family, social life etc), I don't write... But whenever I am sad, disturbed or feeling down... And I feel as if, I don't have anyone to talk to... I would always come back to this blog to write...

Many things had happened... in this last couple of months...
- I've got a new job that I like...
- My application to change from MBA to MMgt has been accepted...
- I've finally moved to a better apt...
- One of my best sister is back in KL
- I've been offered for a better career advancement...
- etc...

That all I can handle well (mostly)... But I never do well with parting...
I can never say goodbye to people that I've known... be friends with... had fun with... trusted... loved... etc

Sometimes... I feel so tired of keeping my feelings, hiding my tears... being composed all the times...
Sometimes... I want people to know, I am not that weak, but nevertheless I am human... I cry too...
Sometimes... I just don't want people to always assume that I am strong...
Sometimes... I need a shoulder to cry on too...

A while ago... we've all lost a very dear friend... Allahyarham Rudi Yanto Abdullah... I am not as close to him as others might be... But the image of his face is still stuck in my head... Not the image of him looking sick... But the happy-go-lucky him... The cheerful him... The funny him...

I don't handle goodbyes well... I am always afraid of losing those who are dear to me...
Although he wasn't a very2 close friend... nevertheless, his departing had affected me a great deal...
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... And I thank him for that...
I thank him dearly for making me reflect back on life...

Abg Rudi, may Allah bless you. You had been a very strong source of inspiration and guidance. A lot have u achieved in a short span of time on earth. You have left a great memory behind. You proved to be a worthy khalifah of Allah. I shall remember you dearly.

Thank You for everything.

Ya Allah, Engkau rahmatilah sahabatku ini, abgku ini, saudaraku ini...Al-Fatihah

I AM N0T LIBERAL!!!

Adakah aku yang pelik?

Adakah aku yang salah??

Adakah aku yang tak sporting???

Adakah aku yang narrow-minded????

Adakah aku perlu menjadi lebih liberal?????

NO WAY!!! I AM NOT GOING TO BE LIBERAL!!!

Mende yang salah tetap salah...kan?

U can't expect me to acknowledge something wrong as right....

It's definitely wrong when you see guys dancing on stage in swimsuit-moulin rouge-kinda dress up, with boobs and without balls!!!

It's definitely wrong!!!

Aku pun takde la alim...tapi what has become of the world when you can openly talk about ur sins, what u've done wrong to public?? Cakap depan2 org sambil gelak2...a'ah aku mmg tak solat...what the heck!!!

Where's ur sense of shame and guilt??

It's definitely wrong!!!!

Not trying to be a hypocrite my ass!!!

Pissed??!!! No...i am not pissed....
I just dont know how to react to this...

THINK...

I had always been a person who likes to get inspired.
I like listening to real life stories of people who exceeds the ordinary.
And all this while, I have to thank these two people.
I have two lovely mentors whom I look highly after...

I had two mentors actually...

One of them, the longest one I've been with past away of lung cancer just recently.
I didn't even get to see her when she was in the hospital.
She was like a mother to me.
I really miss her.

My other mentor is the person I'd go to for advice on life.
She's the perfect person to go to when I feel that I needed a scolding.
She cares for me a lot...

Both my mentors are expert in their very own ways.
But I miss my 1st mentor bcoz she is able to 'read' me and my actions before I am able to even understand them.
My 2nd mentor is also able to 'read' people, but not in the same way...

For a while now, I've been dreading not having a person who is able to 'read' me...
To know who I am, how I am...
I miss having somebody understanding me when I say the least...
Though it is scary having a person knowing u inside out with just one look...
But it makes u think...
It makes u analyze urself...
Look back at yourself...

Now,
When I least expect it...
I found someone...
I thought he was scary since he was my trainer at work...
But somehow,
slowly...i see that he is able to 'read' most of us in class...

And one day, I gather all my courage and ask...
Sir, can you read people...
and he answered...yes...
And then we had a long talk...

He reminded me of my 1st mentor...
Whom I miss so much...
He talked of things that I would never have talked about to anyone...
He guided me...
He gave me advice...

Finally...somebody who makes me think...
Somebody who makes me analyze and muhasabah myself...
Someone who cares enough to tell me what I'm doing is wrong...

I missed that...
I hope he will always be around...
As a mentor...trainer and most importantly as a friend.

TRIP to KUALA TERENGGANU for WORLD GAMELAN FEST

YEY!!! SONOKNYA!!! DPT GAK KLUAR FROM KL NIH!!! HAHAHAHAHA

SO....GAMELAN WORLD FESTIVAL......I'M COMING!!!!

Date : 23 - 25hb Julai 2010
Show : 24hb (5.30-6.30pm, 9-11.30pm)
Accomodation : Teratai Homestay, Kg Kolam (20min from k.Tgnu)

Tentative:

23hb Julai 2010
Bertolak from KL - 2 atau 3pm

Sampai - 9 atau 10pm check-in ke homestay...

24hb Julai 2010
9am - 1pm : Istana Maziah > Bukit Puteri > Central Market > Pasar Besar Payang > LA Hot Spring (semua around the same vicinity....senang sket)

1 - 3pm : Lunch...balik homestay...solat...siap2...

3 - 5pm : Terengganu Museum Complex (Main Museum, a Maritime Museum, a Fisheries Museum, 4 traditional houses and botanic and herbs gardens...bnyk tuh)

5 - 7pm : Show Gamelan di Dataran Shahbandar

7.00 - 8.30pm : Dinner/ Solat

9 - 11.30pm : Ke Dataran Shahbandar

25hb Julai 2010
9am - 12tghari : Masjid Tengku Tgh Zaharah > Pantai Batu Burok > Squid Fishing Season =P

12 - 2pm : Packing....balik...

2 - 3pm : Bertolak balik ke KL


Can't wait to go...hahahahahaha =D

Huh?? Betulkah??

I came across this blog while surfing the web...the title was very BOLD and DARING...so I had to read it...
I have never given a thot to any of this...tapi bila dah terbaca....I started thinking...betulkah mende2 nih??? He said (the writer) that this is how to identify them...ye ke??

GAY IS THE WAY OF LIFE (writer nie giler ke hape)

Yang terang-terangan:
1.kalau berjalan -control macho even hakikat sebatu dah nampak kecatwalkannya
2.rambut kalau tak color..highligt
3.very da latest trend in everything and every way except politics & agama
4. Mulut mmg LAHA...*
5. Brand cautious
6. La QUeen rumah kedua (aku tak tau mende nie apa)
7. Blue Boy rumah alternative (nie pun tak tau gak)
8. kalau ada jantan malatop lalu, kepala pusing 360 darjah dan asyik dok melihat jantan tu tanpa jemu
9. minyak wangi kalau pakai mcm sebotol sehari
10. buckle tali pinggang D & G, Versace la, etc
11. Starbuck dan kedai2 minum sewaktu dengannya, tempat menunjukkan kemewahan even dalam wallet ngam2 nak bayar segelas minuman RM15. 95 (rumah ketiga) dan untuk memastikan duit worth every sen, lepak kat sana hampir 7-10 jam
12. Kasut semua depan tajam2 atau persegi
13. Pakai seluar mesit ketat nak tonjolkn bontot bubbly tu dan kebonjolan batang. setengah tu telur aja besar, batang, ibu jari aku lagi besar
14. handpone mesti ada camera, music function, latest brand dan kalau ada organizer, tak pernah lekang dari palm..ada aja dok menulis atas screen....tak ada life ker
15. suka seni dan hiburan - damn obvious (agak vague)
16. mata mcm2 color even kulit adik beradik kaum jakun
17. cincin kebanyakan pakai lebih dari satu
18. rapat dan comfortable dgn pompuan, kalau dgn jantan terutama yang melatop rasa resah dan berpeluh
19. pembersih, rumah kemas dan well groomed
20. rajin bekerja dan creative
21. dalam handphone contact list, 90% nama jantan... sapew nak jawab?
22. Sukan kegemaran bowling dan vollyball
23. pandai nyanyi dn menari serta kaki kareoke
24. kerja wajib, Sekretari, nurse dan PA, yang lain bersaing dgn pompuan demi atas nama keadilan.. hahahahahaa
25. pandai sembang2 dgn makcik2 dan good customer service.
26. suka warna2 kontrast dan terang
27. kalau jumpa gang, tetiba gedik, cakap nowk sana, nowk sini dan patah riuk betowl...kan da pecah lobang!!!!aduh....
28. Pose mesti tetap vogue
29. Center of attiention and always seek attention
30. OBVIOUSLY- penampilan memang ketara belainan dgn org lain, tak banyak pun, sikit mesti ada
31. kalau kes tak ada rambut, goatee kemestian...dan color brown lagi..hahahahaa..yang hairless..they make sure the face skin color same tone with the bald head color...ala warna kulit sekata menggunakan Garnier .
32. Pakai subang..arah betentangan dgn gay..saja nak kelirukan masyarakat..tapi ade jugak brani mati pkai blah kanan...masyarakat lagi keliru sebab apa jantan pakai subang..dah tu sebelah aja..sebelah lagi hilang ker? ngeee~
33. Favourite Tv program Prison break, desperate housewife, gilmore girls, Oprah winfrey show, mostly deoration related programs, etc, etc
34.sensitive dan kuat sentap...layak lar...
35. Artis luar negeri sah2 puja Michael Jackson,Barbra Streisand, beyonce ,mariah Carey,whitney Houston dan Celine Dion kalau tempatan sah sah Ning Baizura, CT Nurhaliza dan ziana zain....Anuar Zain, role model...

Yang tak terang-terangan:

1. karektor macho habis - hakikatnya manusia, ada at least 10 % ada sifat keperempuanan
2. suka sport2 car - tapi keta2 tu dihias dan didecorate ala2 casa impian...mcmana tu???
3. berkahwin - nak coverline..
4. ada anak - Kuasa Allah dan nasib baik ada
5. Ada awek dan siap berkepit - tapi jantan malatop lalu - aksi spontan mcm list di atas no 8...sila semak
6. tk suka pondan - sebab hakikat mereka lebih pondan atas katil...kenyataan tu!!!!
7.tak suka si lembut - sebab jealous nak keluarkan kelembutan diri tk boleh terlalu lagak macho

betul ke??? yg sedihnye budak nie melayu...aku rasa sayu sgt bila bc post dia nie...
seyesly....rasa sedih....

KEHILANGAN

YA ALLAH, SESUNGGUHNYA KAU MAHA PENGASIH, LAGI MAHA PENYAYANG, KAU MAHA MENGETAHUI DAN KAU JUGA MAHA AGUNG. YA ALLAH, LAKUKANLAH YANG TERBAIK BAGI GURUKU PUAN FATIMAH MUSTAFA. DIALAH PEMBIMBING KU, DIA LAH IBU KU. DIA ORG LUAR YANG PERTAMA YANG MENGAMBIL BERAT AKAN DIRIKU, CUBA MENJADIKAN AKU SEORANG INSAN YANG KAU REDHAI YA ALLAH. KPD KAU AKU MEMOHON, KPD KAULAH AKU BERSERAH.

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Aku bermula sebagai seorang yang ego, degil, keras kepala, tomboy, dan seorang pendendam. Aku jarang bergaul dengan rakan2 sewaktu di skolah dulu. I have only several close friends. I hated school and I hated mostly everyone there. Tiada sape yg berani menegurku, terutamanya rakan2 setingkatan dek wajahku yang garang. Tapi aku tak kesah sbb aku tak memerlukan mereka dlm hidup ke. That's when i was wrong.

When I was in form 4 she taught me in class. I couldnt care less. To me she was just another teacher. But when I went to form 5, she started punishing me even for little2 things. Dia pernah membuat ku berdiri di dalam kelas sepanjang sesi pembelajaran and lots more. Pada waktu itu aku berdendam kerana padaku dia hanya cuba untuk memalukan aku di hadapan rakan2 kelas ku. Until one day when she called me to her office. That was when she explained everything.

She said that, she understood me. And that she wanted to help me. She counseled me, gave me advice and made me what I am now, a human being. She showed her concern when I least expected it. She took care of me when I thought that life is very cruel towards me. She told me that I have to learn to love myself before I can learn to love anyone...she taught me a lot, especially lessons about life.

I am a changed person now because of her. I learn to care about others because of her. I learn to teach others because of her. She gave me so much. She made me a happier person. She made me a better person.

Ya Allah sesungguhnya jika kini adalah masanya untuk pergi...KAU permudahkanlah ya Allah...dia adalah tempat aku mengadu...tempat aku mencurah rasa...dia umpama ibu yang tidak pernah lokek kasih sayangnya...Ya Allah sesungguhnya tidak mudah untuk aku menerima kehilangan demi kehilangan ya Allah... menda yang paling aku takuti adalah ditinggalkan...tapi KAU duga ku dengan kehilangan baik yang kekal atau sementara...hati ini tidak cukup kuat untuk menghadapi segala...lalu air mata adalah peneman setia ku kebelakangan ini..